Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just invented taco cereal.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
