There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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