And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
