Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
