im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
honey bunches of taint.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
