Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
