This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
