There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
