at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
