You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
