i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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