U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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