Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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