my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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