called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
