Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Houston, we have a squirter
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm like, not good at living.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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