you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
