Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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