I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
