He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
