Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
