how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
