Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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