Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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