i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
