where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
