I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
