Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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