i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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