so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
