:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
