dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
