I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
