my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
