her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
