i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
