Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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