i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize