Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
