Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
