Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
