Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
