If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
