"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I intend to get homeless drunk
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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