fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Everyone says I win the strip club
The struggles of a small town man whore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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