Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
