i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
