i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
