She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
