i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
