This girl is more easily done than said...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
