love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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