VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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